About Me

I'm Kayla. I dont know what I want to do with my life. But here you can follow me on my journey.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Loneliest Day

Its such a lonely day...and its mine.... The most loneliest day of my life. I feel like every decision I make should be positive and therefore in able to accept those that are in my plan yet fall away from positive actions. Hence, drugs. What is so great about them that makes them a primary choice of being with the person you say you love the most. I dont understand how it is so difficult. Perhaps because I am not a drug addict and do not find any pleasure in illegal activity of any sort. I guess I'm too much of a rule follower to make someone want to be with me more than drugs. If they are so great then marry them, dont keep my hopes towards the light when its always dark.

I guess when you have such deep love in your heart for someone and you see them hurting themselves and others around them, including you, you feel like you should intervene. I just wish what I had to say would help. I try my best to support and help, but if someone would rather do that what should I do? I feel like I am just wasting everyone's time in trying..

Because of my loud mouth, I expressed how much I care about someone and they find it very unimportant. Therefore I am sitting here at my house alone. I doubt my life is going to change much.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

i am always in the wrong. i cant ever help someone enough to make them treat me how i deserve. apparently love and using go along the same categories...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I think I am failing to bring happiness to anyones life. I wont last much longer like this.
Lately I have been feeling as if I cant make anyone happy. I never have been able to, and even now when I try to better someones life and help them make the right decisions they blow it right back into my face. Is it wrong of me to try to help someone else? I just want others to have an enriched life. Mine, on the other hand, I dont think it will ever be. I struggle everyday to feel good about myself. Nothing helps, changes. No one goes out of their way to make me happy, no one tries to make me happy. Meanwhile I am struggling to do everything I can to make the people around me as happy as they can be. I am constantly walked all over and trampled upon because other people see me as a target. Maybe thats all I was put upon life for. To be a target. To enrich others lives and destroy my own. I find no happiness lies within me after these last few days. I dread waking up, I dread going to sleep. I dread knowing it will be a new day. Because with every new day comes a great amount of anger that is thrown upon me. Everyone around me is enjoying where they are and what they are doing, I am struggling to stay happy. I was happy at one time, and because of that happiness I thought maybe I was past depression. I think it was just bundled up inside me because I couldnt cope with how much I hated myself.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Falling to hell.

Tell me that I wont be here dying.
Falling into the dark,
where I am hidden.

No point

Miles of darkness surround the sorrow that lies within the heart of love.
Finding the heart of love insists you choke on sorrow to move on.
There are moments of silence in which darkness may pull down the heart.
Love grasp the beats before complete chaos grabs and destroys.
I'm singing in happiness.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Destroyed my state.